I’m Not Talking About My Job At All.

A man goes to a mechanic.

“Hi,” says the mechanic. “What brings you here today?”

“There’s something wrong with my car,” the man says.

“What’s wrong with your car?”

“You’re the mechanic. You tell me.”

“Okay, what tells you there’s something wrong with your car?”

“It isn’t driving right.”

“When did you first notice this?”

“This morning.”

“Has this been developing gradually, or did it happen all of a sudden?”

“All of a sudden.”

“What were you doing at the time?”

“Driving.”

“Okay, but is there anything that happened right before your car stopped driving right?”

“Yeah, my car stopped suddenly.”

“Like the brakes went on suddenly?”

“You know, I’ve answered these same questions over and over to the other mechanics I’ve seen. I’m kinda sick of your questions.”

“This is the first time I’ve talked to you, though.”

“Just look in the computer.”

“We don’t have you in our….oh, never mind. Let’s look at your car.”

“It’s out there.”

“…..the hood is smashed in.”

“Wow, you’re such a great mechanic.”

“When your car stopped suddenly, was it because you crashed into something?”

“No. Just fix my car.”

“Okay, I’ll fix your car, but you need to be more careful when you’re driving.”

“Just fix my car.”

The mechanic fixes the man’s car, gives it a tune-up, and sends him on his way. Because that’s his job.

* * * * *

Three months later, the man comes back to the mechanic.

“My car’s not driving right again. You didn’t fix it like you said you would.”

“What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s the same problem as last time. You’re clearly incompetent.”

“Same problem as last time? It stopped suddenly, the hood is smashed in, and now it’s not driving right?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you crash it into something again?”

“What do you mean, ‘again’? I didn’t crash it the first time. What am I paying you for, anyway?”

“You never paid me for the last time I fixed your car.”

“Just fix my damned car.”

::sigh:: “Okay. It’s not like I can turn you away.”

“Damn straight. You’d better fix it for good this time.”

“The best way to make sure it’s fixed for good is for you to follow traffic laws, drive between the lines on the road, and not take risks or drive recklessly.”

“Just fix my car.”

The mechanic fixes the man’s car, gives it a tune-up, and sends him on his way. Because that’s his job.

* * * * *

Three months later, the man comes back to the mechanic.

“Let me guess,” says the mechanic. “Same problem.”

“Of course it is, you swindler. I’ve noticed you’ve got me coming back here every three months so you can take all of my money.”

“You still haven’t paid me.”

“And I’m not going to until you fix my car!”

“So you crashed it again?”

“Why do you keep saying that? I told you, I’ve never crashed my car!”

“Did you follow the traffic laws like I recommended? Did you drive inside the lines and avoid taking risks?”

“That has nothing to do with anything. My car doesn’t work. Why haven’t you fixed it yet?”

“I have fixed your car every time you brought it to me, but I can’t go home with you and keep you from crashing it.”

“Your job is to keep my car driving. You know, my uncle’s a lawyer. I’ll probably call him when I get home.”

“In your car, I suppose?”

“Damn straight. You’d better fix it. Now.”

The mechanic fixes the man’s car, gives it a tune-up, and sends him on his way. Because that’s his job.

* * * * *

Three months later, the man comes back to the mechanic. . . . .

Congestive Heart Failure

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Published in: on July 19, 2011 at 5:48 am  Comments (4)  

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4 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Not talking about your job at all. Me neither.

  2. The man instantly became Samuel L. Jackson when I read “Damn straight.”

  3. OMG, that’s *awesome*!! I was actually thinking “this is CHF!!” as I was reading it… really funny, and poignant.


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